popsicles don't lie
Seriously, Dad?
I thought you might get suspicious when I dropped out of college and camped out at home for a few months.
I thought you might really get suspicious when I came home no earlier than 3 o' clock for those first 4 months.
Like that one time I showed up at the ass crack of dawn and when you opened the door for me cause I didn't have a key and I looked at you kind of funny and said, "Does it look like the grass is moving to you?" I honestly thought you had figured it out.
The worst was I you found my friend Kendra's fish in my backpack. You even asked me straight up and I looked you in the face and said, "no way, i'm just holding that for my friend kendra"
Whenever you hear me in the kitchen at 4 in the morning making waffles or eggs or cereal or warming up leftovers from Chili's or Pei-Wei that have Jackie's name on it, I'm just like, "come on, really?" And I bet it really pisses you off when mom buys a brand new thing of pistachio almond ice cream(your favorite) and you find the empty carton upstairs in front of the TV.
Probably not as much as the sticky spoon stuck to the carpet, though.
And another thing. There's no way you don't start asking yourself questions when you come home unexpectedly from work during the day and you walk in on me playing with our clearly-an-outside-dog, Killer/Roscoe in the foyer(I call him Killer cause Roscoe is a dumb name) in nothing but my boxers and a bandanna blaring Led Zeppelin or Grateful Dead. I mean, seriously?
Or the fact that I'll disappear for days at a time and show up home at 4 in the morning in the same clothes I left in.
Or maybe the fact that sometimes I like to sleep until 6 in the afternoon, big deal.
I wonder what goes through your head when you call me when you havent seen me in a couple days and instead of answering your question of "where have you been?" I tell you a funny racist joke instead.
Sometimes I like to ask you theoretical questions like, "what would you do if i moved to africa tomorrow?" and both you and I know I'm only half joking.....
Fact of the matter is, Dad, the only reason you leave me alone about it and don't get mad at me is because I know you love me and also partly because when you were my age you were doing way worse things and you've kinda accepted the fact that kids will be kids and you just gotta cross your fingers and hope they figure it out ok and don't turn out like your younger brother tony who still lives with grandma and grandpa and has like 2 kids but doesnt pay child support.
It's gotta be scary looking at your 3rd oldest child and youngest son thinking that, what if he doesn't get as lucky as you did? What if he doesn't figure it out? What if he screws himself over really bad and he's stuck on the street or in your garage the rest of his life, just some burned out loser with no goals, dreams, aspirations, just an xbox a shitty car and some doritos?
Well pop, I appreciate your concerns. I think about that stuff sometimes too....
But then i just get really high and think about what I would do if the force is real and i could lift cars off the ground and shit, how cool would that be....
Yeah.....
Seriously, Dad?
I thought you might get suspicious when I dropped out of college and camped out at home for a few months.
I thought you might really get suspicious when I came home no earlier than 3 o' clock for those first 4 months.
Like that one time I showed up at the ass crack of dawn and when you opened the door for me cause I didn't have a key and I looked at you kind of funny and said, "Does it look like the grass is moving to you?" I honestly thought you had figured it out.
The worst was I you found my friend Kendra's fish in my backpack. You even asked me straight up and I looked you in the face and said, "no way, i'm just holding that for my friend kendra"
Whenever you hear me in the kitchen at 4 in the morning making waffles or eggs or cereal or warming up leftovers from Chili's or Pei-Wei that have Jackie's name on it, I'm just like, "come on, really?" And I bet it really pisses you off when mom buys a brand new thing of pistachio almond ice cream(your favorite) and you find the empty carton upstairs in front of the TV.
Probably not as much as the sticky spoon stuck to the carpet, though.
And another thing. There's no way you don't start asking yourself questions when you come home unexpectedly from work during the day and you walk in on me playing with our clearly-an-outside-dog, Killer/Roscoe in the foyer(I call him Killer cause Roscoe is a dumb name) in nothing but my boxers and a bandanna blaring Led Zeppelin or Grateful Dead. I mean, seriously?
Or the fact that I'll disappear for days at a time and show up home at 4 in the morning in the same clothes I left in.
Or maybe the fact that sometimes I like to sleep until 6 in the afternoon, big deal.
I wonder what goes through your head when you call me when you havent seen me in a couple days and instead of answering your question of "where have you been?" I tell you a funny racist joke instead.
Sometimes I like to ask you theoretical questions like, "what would you do if i moved to africa tomorrow?" and both you and I know I'm only half joking.....
Fact of the matter is, Dad, the only reason you leave me alone about it and don't get mad at me is because I know you love me and also partly because when you were my age you were doing way worse things and you've kinda accepted the fact that kids will be kids and you just gotta cross your fingers and hope they figure it out ok and don't turn out like your younger brother tony who still lives with grandma and grandpa and has like 2 kids but doesnt pay child support.
It's gotta be scary looking at your 3rd oldest child and youngest son thinking that, what if he doesn't get as lucky as you did? What if he doesn't figure it out? What if he screws himself over really bad and he's stuck on the street or in your garage the rest of his life, just some burned out loser with no goals, dreams, aspirations, just an xbox a shitty car and some doritos?
Well pop, I appreciate your concerns. I think about that stuff sometimes too....
But then i just get really high and think about what I would do if the force is real and i could lift cars off the ground and shit, how cool would that be....
Yeah.....
im not sure this ended quite how i originally planned, but whatever, hope you enjoy
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